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Brian was put in a war with his friends about eating Velveeta cheese, but it ends up a tragedy when he decides to shoot himself.
(The episode opens with Brian driving to the sign up shop in border-town falls. He is then seen writing a letter about a war, and drives back to Quahog preparing)
(Scene switches to Pops's house)
Brian: Velveeta Cheese War is coming way, people!
Mordecai: please help us, yo.
Rigby: yeah, why SHOULD we go to this dumb war anyway?
Brian: the whole entire city is in this war, even Mickey Mouse!
Mickey Mouse: stupid war, stupid velveeta, bitches!
Stewie: let's all have fun?
(Scene switches to the park in ruins)
Marge: oh my! I think we should skip the war
Gene: (off-screen) hey, losers, (on-screen) not today!
(Everyone runs as a bomb is targeted at them)
Mordecai: Thanks to Brian, we must now eat more Velveeta.
Homer: where is he anyway?
Mordecai: Up my butt, and I love it.
(Scene switches to 742 evergreen terrace, with Brian running in)
Brian: No one can find me here! NO ONE!
(The coffee bean and his translator enter in with a gun)
Coffee bean: Bow chika bow wow.
Translator: Shame to let you wank off, Br-br-brian. (blushes and then touches self)
(The gun releases a bullet, which goes up under Brian's tail)
Brian: (moans) OHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
(Scene switches to Quahog)
Brian: These remains of our town were gay
Peter: die, die, die!
(An explosion was heard as Homer goes in)
Homer: let's hide!
Brian: good idea!
Peter: no dogs allowed!
Marge: the war need's to be done
Homer: but we can't do it!
Niggah: yes we can, because we believed on our souls, and you turned them down. The torture they put on you has gone on waste. I say we fight, we fight for the park, and our lives!
Marge: you go on while I look for Brian!
(Scene switches to 742 evergreen terrace)
Marge: Yo, Brian! Where are you!?
(Marge and Stewie sees Brian, dead on the floor with a gun up his tail)
Stewie: (gasps) Brian, you son of a b***. Coffee bean! Translator! I need an enema to clean this sh*t up!
(Scene switches to hospital)
Mordecai: Stewie, is Br-bri-brian going to be okay?
Marge: I'm sure and besides, this is the best hospital in Springfield, he'll be fixed in no time at all! With a good neutering session!
(Doctor Hibbert walks in)
Skips: doctor, how was Br-bri-brian?
Niggah: is she going to be okay? oops, I meant 'he'.
Hibbert: I ain't a VET, yo Niggah. But.....I'm terribly sorry, but he enjoyed the gun up his butt too much. I don't know how much longer he has, but now, you need to say goodbye
(Everyone is in a terrible shock as they heard the news and enter in)
Rigby: I soooo CAN believe it, very much.
Thomas: Br-bri-brian, if you can hear me, tell everyone up at heaven that, I loved your brother in a gay way.
Bart: Why do you guys keep stuttering with his name?
Benson: yeah Thomas, what's the bitch?
Thomas: Because....I loved him in a gay way too. And so did Mordecai and Rigby.
Brian: (moans) Ooooh yeah....
Stewie: Yo niggahz! He's saying somethin'.
Brian: (suddenly sits up and talks loudly) You bitches. Why did you take the gun from my ass?
(Brian then lies back down again, and then dies)
Hibbert: I'm sorry, but yo doggie-style is gone fo'evah, yo.
Lisa: Holy crap! Ooops.... (realizes what she said) sorry, I just swore.
Niggah: Yeahhhhh boiiiiii. Oh....I meant, girl.
(Everyone screams at Lisa from the shock of her swearing for the first time).
(Scene switches to Muscle man's trailer)
Bart: they stopped the war for Brian? cool.
Mordecai: I just hope that where Br-bri-brian is now, he will creep around us on our sleep to shove things up our butts.
Marge: THANKS A LOT, BRIAN!!!!!!
Lisa: we're going tomorrow.
(Scene switches to the Quahog funereal home)
Marge: I thank you all for coming, I bet Homer would like to say a few words
Homer: thanks Marge. He was smart, loyal and, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll miss him, and.... so and so. Are we done yet?
Marge: we're all gonna miss him so much
(Everyone then dances to the 'Family Guy' theme song)
(The Simpsons walk out the door as the episode ends with the music continuously playing.)