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Brian was put in a war with his friends about eating Velveeta cheese, but it ends up a tragedy when he decides to shoot himself.


(The episode opens with Brian driving to the sign up shop in border-town falls. He is then seen writing a letter about a war, and drives back to Quahog preparing)

(Scene switches to Pops's house)

Brian: Velveeta Cheese War is coming way, people!

Mordecai: please help us, yo.

Rigby: yeah, why SHOULD we go to this dumb war anyway?

Brian: the whole entire city is in this war, even Mickey Mouse!

Mickey Mouse: stupid war, stupid velveeta, bitches!

Stewie: let's all have fun?

(Scene switches to the park in ruins)

Marge: oh my! I think we should skip the war

Gene: (off-screen) hey, losers, (on-screen) not today!

Benson: run!

(Everyone runs as a bomb is targeted at them)

Mordecai: Thanks to Brian, we must now eat more Velveeta.

Homer: where is he anyway?

Mordecai: Up my butt, and I love it.

(Scene switches to 742 evergreen terrace, with Brian running in)

Brian: No one can find me here! NO ONE!

(The coffee bean and his translator enter in with a gun)

Coffee bean: Bow chika bow wow.

Translator: Shame to let you wank off, Br-br-brian. (blushes and then touches self)

(The gun releases a bullet, which goes up under Brian's tail)


(Scene switches to Quahog)

Brian: These remains of our town were gay

Peter: die, die, die!

(An explosion was heard as Homer goes in)

Homer: let's hide!

Brian: good idea!

Peter: no dogs allowed!

Brian: traitors

Marge: the war need's to be done

Homer: but we can't do it!

Niggah: yes we can, because we believed on our souls, and you turned them down. The torture they put on you has gone on waste. I say we fight, we fight for the park, and our lives!

Everyone: YEAH!!!!!!

Marge: you go on while I look for Brian!

Rigby: okay!

(Scene switches to 742 evergreen terrace)

Marge: Yo, Brian! Where are you!?

(Marge and Stewie sees Brian, dead on the floor with a gun up his tail)

Stewie: (gasps) Brian, you son of a b***. Coffee bean! Translator! I need an enema to clean this sh*t up!

(Scene switches to hospital)

Mordecai: Stewie, is Br-bri-brian going to be okay?

Marge: I'm sure and besides, this is the best hospital in Springfield, he'll be fixed in no time at all! With a good neutering session!

(Doctor Hibbert walks in)

Skips: doctor, how was Br-bri-brian?

Niggah: is she going to be okay? oops, I meant 'he'.

Hibbert: I ain't a VET, yo Niggah. But.....I'm terribly sorry, but he enjoyed the gun up his butt too much. I don't know how much longer he has, but now, you need to say goodbye

(Everyone is in a terrible shock as they heard the news and enter in)

Marge: (yawns)

Rigby: I soooo CAN believe it, very much.

Thomas: Br-bri-brian, if you can hear me, tell everyone up at heaven that, I loved your brother in a gay way.

Bart: Why do you guys keep stuttering with his name?

Benson: yeah Thomas, what's the bitch?

Thomas: Because....I loved him in a gay way too. And so did Mordecai and Rigby.

Brian: (moans) Ooooh yeah....

Stewie: Yo niggahz! He's saying somethin'.

Brian: (suddenly sits up and talks loudly) You bitches. Why did you take the gun from my ass?

(Brian then lies back down again, and then dies)

Hibbert: I'm sorry, but yo doggie-style is gone fo'evah, yo.

Lisa: Holy crap! Ooops.... (realizes what she said) sorry, I just swore.

Niggah: Yeahhhhh boiiiiii. Oh....I meant, girl.

(Everyone screams at Lisa from the shock of her swearing for the first time).

(Scene switches to Muscle man's trailer)

Bart: they stopped the war for Brian? cool.

Mordecai: I just hope that where Br-bri-brian is now, he will creep around us on our sleep to shove things up our butts.

Homer: (burps)

Marge: THANKS A LOT, BRIAN!!!!!!

Lisa: we're going tomorrow.

(Scene switches to the Quahog funereal home)

Marge: I thank you all for coming, I bet Homer would like to say a few words

Homer: thanks Marge. He was smart, loyal and, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll miss him, and.... so and so. Are we done yet?

Marge: we're all gonna miss him so much

(Everyone then dances to the 'Family Guy' theme song)

(The Simpsons walk out the door as the episode ends with the music continuously playing.)

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