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But Still
By: Ormspryde
Cecil contemplates the things he's done...

  • Rated: Fiction K+
  • English
  • Words: 844
  • Published: May 4, 1999
  • Status: Complete

I have never been so wide awake in my entire life. I am not new to insomnia; however, there seems to be something...different...about tonight. Perhaps it is this place. Looking about, I can certainly see why Robert was so desperate to escape this squalid little prison. I've seen little of it thus far, but already I long for freedom.
Freedom. I suppose I gave that up when I put my plot into motion. I was captured by my own anger. And the results...
Humiliating. Foiled by a duo of snot-nosed scapegraces. And my own brother. He sided with them!
I hear him up there, muttering in his sleep. I know I've hurt him, though he does not show it. Perhaps I should forgive him...
No! He was completely in the wrong! I shall never forgive him!
But he was there for me when I was in that horrendous accident. And he's always come to my aid when I needed it. Perhaps...
Perhaps...I'm wrong?
Ugh, a rat. Robert's little pet Machiavelli if I'm not mistaken. I rarely am. Am I? I seem to have made a mistake somewhere.
Hmph. Machiavelli. Really, it's almost ludicrous the way my brother attempts to remain civilized in here. But I suppose one becomes accustomed to things like that after ten years.
Ten years. Has it really been that long? Once I loved my brother, yes. He and I were constant companions, though we bickered as siblings do.
What does revenge really matter? I cannot go back to what I was then.
Can it be that I have moved on?
I am so lonely. Perhaps I should attempt to patch things up with Robert. No one else here is likely to tolerate me.
But he's so sensitive. He acted so strangely when Mother and Father died. What if I've
damaged our relationship beyond repair?
Mmph. Blasted prison beds. I could just as well have slept on the floor. Can't...seem to...
Oh I give up.
Perhaps I should give up. Give up my quest for revenge. Perhaps...
No. I'll never give up. Not while the destroyer of my dreams still lives. My anger is all I have
left...
Is that Robert I hear weeping? He's never...I...even when our parents died...
Trust...trust is such a fragile thing. I've completely lost my brother's. And he was always so slow
to trust anyone.
What have I done?
I have done no more than what needed to be done! I have set myself upon a course and never
shall I deviate from it.
I have heard it said that "time heals all wounds." Why, then, can I still feel the pain from that
fateful day...
I devoted my best efforts to obtaining that position! I deserved it! But Robert waltzed in there,
no preparation whatsoever, and...
I know what I must do.
But still, might it not have been terribly wrong to betray my own brother? To attempt to murder
him? Might I not have done my brother a worse wrong than he did me?
He did gain the role I'd pursued with all my heart. But still, it was Krusty who rejected me.
Robert did side against me. But still, it was I who betrayed him.
I do still bear a grudge against him for his actions.
But still...

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