Scene 1: The Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card ShopEdit
Comic Book Guy: “Here you go, boys, 2 Radioactive Man comic magazines for both of you.”
Bart: “Whoa, super awesome!”
Milhouse: “Thanks, Comic Book Guy.”
Comic Book Guy: “Don’t mention it.”
Bart and Milhouse walk around, then Comic Book Guy closes the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop, then walks around, right outta his shop.
Comic Book Guy: "Another day, another business routine."
Suddenly, Comic Book Guy feels a shocking disturbance in his heart, then becomes terribly ill.
Comic Book Guy: [Groaning and Wheezing] "I don't think I look so good!"
Comic Book Guy suddenly collapses on the sidewalk.
Bart: "Oh no, Comic Book Guy!"
Milhouse: "We've gotta do something about it!"
Lisa, Maggie, Marge, Homer, Abe, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders and the others including Chief Wiggum all arrive to see what had happened.
Marge: “Oh my word!” “Comic Book Guy, Comic Book Guy, can you hear any of us?!?”
Chief Wiggum: “Alright, nobody move, nobody panic!”
Homer: “Holy crap, what on earth happened?”
Seymour: "He seemed to be having some sort of heart disease."
Scene 2: Springfield General HospitalEdit
Lisa: “Mom, Dad, do you think Comic Book Guy gonna be alright?”
Marge: “We don’t know, Lisa, I’m pretty sure that this is the best hospital in Springfield.” “Comic Book Guy is getting the finest medical care that there ever is.”
Bart: “Man, I can’t believe this really happened to him."
Dr. Hibbert shows up in the waiting room………
Ned: “Dr. Hibbert, how’s Comic Book Guy? is he gonna be alright?”
Dr. Hibbert: “I’m terribly sorry, you guys, but Comic Book Guy’s illness is just too deadly to save him.” “I don’t know how much longer he has, but I suggest that all of you go into his hospital room and say your final goodbyes.”
The entire crowd gasps in terrified shock………then they go into Comic Book Guy’s hospital room.
Elizabeth: [Tearing Up] “Oh my word, Comic Book Guy, no.”
Lenny: [Tearing Up] “I can’t believe this, you’re really gonna-”
Bart: [Tearing Up] “Come on, Comic Book Guy, you can’t pass away, we were gonna do so many super exciting things like open up a comic convention together as always.” “I was about to get several autograph signatures.”
Comic Book Guy: “Uhhhhhhhhh……”
Marge: “You guys, I think Comic Book Guy’s trying to say something.”
Comic Book Guy: “You-You all have given me a wonderful life, you guys are such good customers at the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop, I like all of you.” (brief pause) “Worst death scene ever!”
Dr. Hibbert pronounces Comic Book Guy now deceased on the spot.
Dr. Hibbert: “I’m terribly sorry, but he’s gone for good right now.”
Milhouse: [Tearing Up] “Oh my word, he’s-”
Marge: [Tearing Up] “Yes, Milhouse, I’m afraid-I’m afraid that Comic Book Guy is deceased and gone for good.”
The entire crowd looks around depressingly over Comic Book Guy’s death bed.
Scene 3: Back home at the Simpson family's houseEdit
Kent Brockman: “Springfield has always reported the residents for their tragic passings, Maude Flanders, Mona Simpson, Amber Simpson, Bleeding Gums Murphy , Chip Davis, and joining them right now is Jeffrey Albertson A.K.A. Comic Book Guy.”
Lisa: "Oh my word!"
Kent Brockman: "Now here are some good words from the residents of Springfield, to tell all of us about his passing."
Mayor Quimby: "I always respected Comic Book Guy,ever since he got married. I respected his business and most of all, his comic conventions, but the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop will be held upon his memories."
Seymour: "Thank you, Comic Book Guy, for keeping every single comic magazine, action figure and trading card box on the shelves at your shop."
Kent Brockman: "What you all heard about Comic Book Guy is about what he really was, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go be depressed for a little while."
Bart: "Man, I can't believe he's really gone for good."
Homer: "Me neither, (brief pause) hey, when's the funeral service?"
Marge: "It's on Sunday."
Homer: "Oh yeah, now I remember."
Fade to another black screne
Scene 3: The 1st Church of SpringfieldEdit
All of the mourners are already there for Comic Book Guy's funeral service. Reverend Lovejoy takes his place at the podium, and Comic Book Guy's deceased body is now in an open blue casket with red felt on the inside.
Reverend Lovejoy: "Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember the wonderful life of Jeffrey Albertson A.K.A. Comic Book Guy."
Agnes: "Oh, such lovely words."
Reverend Lovejoy: "Anyway, Comic Book Guy was the best owner of the Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop." "Now if any of you have a few words to say about him, please come up to the podium."
Moe comes up 1st….
Moe: "What can I say about Comic Book Guy? he was such a good man, he was hilarious and could always make us laugh out loud, always staying in business, but in death, I'll always remember him the way he was."
Lenny comes up 2nd…
Lenny: "I always knew Comic Book Guy for quite some time, especially when I read 1 of his comic magazines, such as The Avengers and Justice League, his comic strips have always kept all of us entertained, he's no longer with any of us, but we'll always have the Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop, and very soon it'll be open for business."
Homer comes up 3rd…..
Homer: "The only reason I think about Comic Book Guy is when I read the Sunday newspaper comic pages, such as Marvin, Baby Blues, Pickles and For Better or For Worse." "I'll always remember his hilarious laughter."
Apu comes up 4th.
Apu: "I know what I can say about Comic Book Guy, well, it's just that, Comic Book Guy wasn't just the best owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop aside from the Kiwk E Mart, he was my best friend for life, like a sworn brother and a good friend to the end, and the fact is...that...I'm gonna miss him more than anything else."
(Apu breaks down sobbing silently.)
Manjula: "We're all gonna miss him, Apu, we're all gonna miss him more than anything else."
Reverend Lovejoy: "Alright, that's all the time for this evening, now let's get on down to Springfield Cemetary."
The camera zooms in on Comic Book Guy's blue casket, which is being lowered to the grave pit.
Groundskeeper Willie: [Playing Amazing Grace On Bagpipes]
Reverend Lovejoy: "Goodbye, Comic Book Guy, may you join Maude Flanders, Frank Grimes, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Mona Simpson, Amber Simpson, Gladys Gurney and Chip Davis in the heaven skies."
The blue casket is now lowered, and Lenny and Carl bury it.
The tombstone reads Dedicated to the loving memory of Jeffrey Albertson A.K.A. Comic Book Guy (1941-2014), a true good man from the beginning.
Comic Book Guy's wake at the Simpson family's houseEdit
Moe: "Apu, it's a terrible situation, everybody loved Comic Book Guy." "May whoever did this to him, may pass away 100 deaths, may his heavenly spirit rise up in the heaven skies."
Apu: "Thanks for your kind thoughts, Moe."
Moe: "Oh, and let's hope the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop hires somebody else to take over his place."
Bart: "What are we gonna do, Milhouse? we can't let the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop close down for good, it'll be such tragic."
Milhouse: "I don't know, Bart, I'm not sure if it's somebody else in Comic Book Guy's close family, or your close family or my close family or even anybody else in Springfield's territory."
Ned: "There's plenty of good salisbury steak and grilled shrimp and stuff on the memorial dinner table if all of you want it."
Bart and Milhouse head over to the memorial dinner table and Lisa's having a real good vegetarian dinner meal of her very own and Maggie is in her high chair and has strained carrots and beets.
Marge: "While we're all waiting to be served, let's all take 1 minute of silence to remember Comic Book Guy."
Flashback sequence # 1: 'Round Springfield (season 6)
Lisa: $250? but I need that album to honor the memory of Bleeding Gums Murphy."
Comic Book Guy: "He's dead? well, why didn't you say so?" (He changes price to $500.)
End flashback sequence...
Bart, Milhouse, Ralph, Rod, Todd and Martin have flashback sequences of their very own...
Flashback Sequence # 2: Three Men and a Comic Book (season 2)
Martin: "Can you let me have it for $40?"
Comic Book Guy: "$40? you made me get off my stool for that?"
Martin: "It's all I got. I sold seeds. I visited my aunt in the nursing home. I fished a dime outta the sewer for God's sake!"
End flashback sequence...
Patty: "I still can't believe Comic Book Guy's gone for good."
Selma: "His memories will be treasured on in our hearts and lives."
Homer: So, who's gonna run the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop right now?"
Marge: "Well, Homer, you can call your brother, Herbert, and ask him if he wants to take over his place tomorrow morning."
Homer: "That's a great idea, Marge, I'll go call him on the wireless telephone right away."
Homer dials Herbert's telephone # and speaks to him on the wireless telephone.
Homer: (on the wireless telephone) "Hello? Herbert? is it you?"
Herbert: (on the other wireless telephone) "Why of course it's me, Homer, my dear brother, what did you need to tell me about?"
Homer: (still on the wireless telephone) "Well, it's a very long story, you see, Comic Book Guy's no longer with any of us, so I was wondering if you would like to take over as the new owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."
Herbert: (still on the other wireless telephone) "That sounds like a wonderful idea, Homer, the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop will soon be officially open for business."
Homer: (still on the wireless telephone) "I know, Herbert, but anyway, I'll speak to you later, goodbye."
Homer hangs up the wireless telephone.
Lisa: "So, Dad, did Uncle Herbert agree with what you told him?"
Homer: "Bart, Lisa, guys, he's gonna be the new owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."
Bart: "Alright, yahoo!"
Milhouse: "Super awesome!"
Lisa: "How very exciting!"
Scene 3: back at the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card ShopEdit
Herbert: "Here you go, Ralph, 1 great copy of The Justice Team comic magazine # 29."
Ralph: "Wow, thanks, Mr. Powell."
Bart: "So, Lisa, what do you think about Uncle Herbert working here?"
Lisa: "Wonderful idea, Bart, but I know that Comic Book Guy will always be remembered in our hearts and in our minds."
Milhouse: "The Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop is now back in business."
Martin: "But we still like Mr. Powell working here."